The Olsens trained their puppy to go to the bathroom on newspaper.
Think about it.
Yeah.
So, what kind of fun stuff do we have planned for tomorrow?
Teacher work day. No school for Ruthie.
- Yes. - Okay, let's see,
tomorrow you can help me clean the bathrooms,
do the laundry, repair the kitchen sink,
darn socks, reorganise the linen closet, and go shopping.
- Toy shopping? - Food shopping.
Man, this is gonna be worse than school.
- What? - It is gonna be worse than school.
Eh.
ERIC: Hey, you. Whoa.
What happened?
Maggie passed me the ball at basketball practise
and I caught it with my mouth.
- Ouch. - Oh.
How's the acceptance speech coming?
Not great, but since Corey and I are sharing the award,
maybe she can give the speech.
Whoever gives the speech should choose her words very carefully.
It's not every day you win the local businessmen's All Sports Award.
Huh. Thanks, I really wasn't feeling nervous enough.
You have to help me.
I don't wanna work in the attendance office tomorrow.
Maybe you shouldn't have volunteered.
At the time, I didn't realise I'd have to give up my study hall.
I thought it was before school or something. I need my study hall.
- To study? - Yeah, sure.
Plus it's the only time before lunch that I have to catch up with my friends
and retouch my makeup.
Oh.
You're not gonna help me?
Can Lee stay over for dinner?
Sure, but don't forget to call your mom and let her know where you are.
My mom died a long time ago.
I'm sorry, we didn't know.
It's okay. She died when I was a baby, I don't really remember her.
- What about your dad? - He works nights.
- Who usually feeds you? - Grandma.
Oh. Well, call her.
Tell them what your dad does.
His dad's a private investigator
who works with the local police and the FBI.
The FBI, that is so cool.
[ANNIE LAUGHS]
I think being a minister is a lot cooler than working with the FBI.
And that's why I think you're the bomb, baby.
Ooh. Heh-heh.
This honour code our American History professor is making us sign
is confusing.
Actually, it's really quite simple.
When taking a test, don't cheat,
and if you see someone cheat, turn them in.
Matt, I'm so glad I ran into you. Ahem.
Listen, I need someone to help me cram
for the American History mid-term, and I heard you tutor for money.
The test is tomorrow.
Please? I'm gonna fail.
Okay, meet me back here first thing tomorrow,
but I'm not making any promises.
You're a lifesaver.
What?
He cheats.
Come on, come on. Open, open. Aah!
Yes.
Aah.
[ANNIE CLUCKING]
Neh-neh-neh. Ah!
[BABIES BABBLING]
Mom, can I have 29 dollars and 99 cents?
I just have to have these walkie-talkies I saw on TV.
Then I can call all my friends and they can call me back,
and it only costs 29 dollars and 99 cents.
But if you use the phone to call your friends
and pretend the phone is a walkie-talkie, it'll cost less.
Parents.
So is your dad working with the police again tonight?
- Yeah. - Then come over to my house.
Thanks, that'd be great.
Your father works a lot, huh?
Less than when he worked for NASA.
NASA? As in the space programme NASA?
The police, NASA and the FBI? Your dad's the coolest.
Yeah, he's cool.
And I'm lucky he's my dad.
I have no idea what to say at the awards assembly.
I know. I mean who would've thought winning an award
- could be this much trouble? ELAINE: Yeah.
- Hi. - Hey.
I'm Maggie. I just transferred over from Washington High.
I guess I missed you at practise yesterday.
Well, you didn't miss me.
Sorry.
You know, you look just like somebody I knew at Lincoln Junior High.
I've never been to Lincoln.
My mistake.
I better get going. See you guys later.
The twins are lucky you're their daddy,
and I'm lucky you're my daddy too.
I love you.
And I think you should get the walkie-talkies you want.
You're the best dad ever.
And I also think you're old enough to earn the money yourself.
I hope you're not suggesting that allowance thing that the other kids do.
Well, you can take the trash out for $3 a week.
If you really want those walkie-talkies, that's the deal,
- take it or leave it. - I'll leave it.
There are easier ways to make money than by working.
Don't be in a hurry to start talking, okay?
Lucy Camden?
How do you know my name?
It's on your shirt.
Oh.
I need a hall pass.
I'm late.
Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm sorry, I need an excuse.
For the pass. It's the rules.
Well, what are my choices?
Um, well, let's see. How about sickness?
Sickness sounds good.
Are you sick?
Not anymore.
Did you hear the rumour?
It's all over school.
I saw you this morning. How can anything be all over school?
Well, what can I say?
The really juicy stuff has a life of its own.
Corey Conway had a baby when she was 14.
Corey had a baby?
Yeah. Maggie, the new girl,
said that there was a Corey Conway who went to her junior high school,
and that Corey got pregnant and dropped out of school to have the baby.
Okay, you've known Maggie for one day
and you've known Corey for three years,
- and you're listening to Maggie? - Maggie's pretty convincing.
Just don't get swept up in rumour fever, okay?
I'm telling you, I think it's totally believable that Corey had a baby.
What?
Hey, Corey, what's new?
If I don't know this by now, I'm never gonna know it.
Thanks for the help.
I don't know why you're thanking me, I didn't do anything.
Not that I didn't try.
Well, I know I have a problem focusing on schoolwork.
But on the upside, you have no problem focusing on women.
Wait, I think you overpaid me.
Maybe you could earn the extra money.
- Earn how? - Well...
The only way I'm gonna pass this history mid-term
is if someone else takes it for me.
And you could use the money.
Are you asking me to help you cheat?
"Cheat" is such a harsh word.
I prefer "assist."
- Thanks for stopping by. - Hey, no problem.
You know, by the way, I wanted to ask you something.
Do you know a Jeff Patterson?
He's a private investigator.
His son Lee told us he works with the Glenoak Police Department.
Matter of fact, he's supposedly working a case right now.
The police have detectives for detective work.
We don't hire outside help.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I was just trying to give Simon's friend the benefit of the doubt.
The boy lied about his dad?
Looks that way.
Well, it's probably nothing.
- But? - I do know of a Jeff Patterson.
And?
The Jeff Patterson I remember didn't work with the police,
but he was arrested by them.
I'll make this quick.
I need 29 dollars and 99 cents.
I'm not giving you any money.
I'll pay you back.
Careful, Pinocchio, your nose is growing.
- Hey. - Hey what?
You never pay back money
to those individuals crazy enough to lend it to you.
Come on, there must be something I can do
to get you to loan me some money.
I'll tell you what, you get someone to mow the lawn for me on Saturday,
and I'll consider loaning you the money.
I'll be back.
Take all the time you need, you'll need it.
I've already asked everyone in the house.
Yeah, but you're not me.
[BARKS]
- Matt's? - How come kids wanna leave the nest
but their laundry wants to stay?
Hey, how was the attendance office?
It was fabulous, fun, fantastic.
Teenagers.
Yeah, if you don't like their mood, wait ten minutes.
Ha, yeah.
So have you reconsidered my offer?
Because if you really want those walkie-talkies,
getting an allowance is the only way to go.
No, thank you. I don't need an allowance. I have a plan,
and it's a lot easier than taking out the trash for the rest of my life.
She has a plan. Should we be concerned?
Not concerned. Afraid, very afraid.
What's new?
Move away from me.
Relax, Camden, I don't need you. I made other plans.
You're not the only guy on campus who needs money.
No talking.
Okay, all books, backpacks, purses on the floor.
Everyone may turn over their exam and begin.
Face the front, Mr. Camden.
Hi.
My name's Bernadette. What's yours?
Mary.
What happened to your lip?
It's a long story.
Hey, is your mommy home?
Go inside, honey.
Bye.
Bye, Bernadette.
[COREY SIGHS]
Is that who I think that is?
Yeah, she's my daughter.
Maggie wasn't lying. The rumour is true.
Now that you've seen her, you can go.
Corey, listen.
Look, you're not going anywhere until we talk.
I looked for you at school, but you disappeared.
I had a baby when I was 14. Are you satisfied now?
How did you hide this from everyone?
It wasn't easy.
I couldn't have anyone over to my house.
I couldn't go to parties or stay out late.
Forget about dating.
Taking care of a baby, I barely had time
to go to school and play basketball.
When I think about it, I actually don't even know
how I was able to finish high school.
Most teen mothers don't.
I do know I couldn't have done it without my mom.
She's been there for me every step of the way
since the day I told her I was pregnant.
Man, motherhood at 14.
You know what's harder than motherhood?
Your friends talking and whispering behind your back.
Not everyone is talking about you.
Please.
This spring, I'm graduating magna cum laude.
I'm the top scorer on a championship basketball team,
and I've been accepted to three Ivy League colleges.
But now, thanks to Maggie,
the only thing anyone cares about is that when I was 14, I had a baby.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Tyler.
What are you doing here?
Do you have a date yet for the Fall Fling dance?
No.
Well, now you do.
I do?
Yeah.
You wanna take me to the dance?
I thought you were dating Courtney Webber.
We broke up.
So, what do you say?
I guess I say you've got yourself a date.
Great.
See you.
[SQUEALS]
- Are you okay? - Well...
We need to talk.
Is there a problem?
Several students approached me to report that after I left the classroom
they thought that something was going on
between you, James Potter and another student.
You think I was cheating? I mean, you know me. I don't cheat.
I'm afraid that's not going to be good enough.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hi, Reverend Camden, Mrs. Camden.
- Hey, Lee. - Hi, Simon's upstairs.
That's okay, I've got it.
No problem, I'll just give you a hand.
SIMON: What's going on?
Uh...
This is marijuana, isn't it?
I can explain.
You can explain what a baggie of marijuana is doing in your backpack?
Maybe he found it.
I did find it. It's not mine, honest. I swear.
The pot, you didn't find it, did you?
No.
What I'm gonna tell you,
you can't tell anyone else.
The pot belongs to my dad.
I really do wanna believe you.
- Hey. - Hey.
What's wrong?
- Nothing. - Well, if that's what you look like
when there's nothing wrong, I'd hate to see you in a crisis.
- We'll tell you later. - Good enough.
How'd your history mid-term go?
Speaking of a crisis. You know James Potter?
I know his father, Roy.
I hope he's nothing like his son.
Yeah, I tried to help James, you know, tutor him for the mid-term.
He cheated with this other guy during the test
and the professor thinks I'm involved too.
You don't cheat.
Well, I know. Now all I have to do is convince Professor Valentine.
Well, what about the other boys?
Well, from what I hear, James will probably
have his dad fix it with the school.
Apparently, he's a big contributor.
Hey, it could be worse.
You know, according to the honour code I signed,
the professor could have flunked me on the spot.
- Thanks, Mom. - Okay, babe.
[BABY CRIES OVER INTERCOM]
I'll be right back.
What are you doing?
I'm looking for an outfit to wear to the dance next week.
But it's hopeless. Clearly, I have nothing to wear.
RUTHIE: I could help.
How?
I could get Mary to loan you her new pink sweater.
And what do you want in return?
Just the honour of being your sister.
And maybe you could mow the lawn for Simon on Saturday.
Okay, what are you up to?
Just helping the people I love.
Mary will never say yes.
The sweater cost $50,
and she's never even worn it.
But it would look fabulous with my khaki miniskirt.
Okay, get me the sweater and I'll mow the lawn.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Hey. - Hey, Eric.
Well, I did some checking.
And?
Jeff Patterson, Lee's dad, has had some trouble with the law.
He was arrested two years ago for possession.
He pled it out and got probation.
Then he and Lee moved in with the grandmother,
who's currently holding down two jobs supporting the family.
Is Lee's mother dead?
Very much alive. Or at least she was two years ago.
She forfeited custody of Lee when he was 5 years old.
Maybe it's easier for him to think of her as dead
than as an addict who abandoned him.
- Where is she now? - No one knows for sure.
She shows up every once in a while at a methadone or rehab clinic.
Well, this is a lot worse than I thought.
Let's go talk to the father. I'll get Lee.
What do you want, huh?
- I wanna help you. - Why does that scare me?
You should wear these at the assembly tomorrow.
Mom doesn't let anybody wear these.
They used to be Grandma's.
I bet I can get Mommy to loan them to you.
What?
- How? - Don't worry about that.
- Do you wanna wear them? - Maybe.
I don't know. What would I have to do in return?
Lend Lucy your new pink sweater.
I really wish I knew what you were up to.
I'm not up to anything.
So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?
If I say yes, will you leave me alone?
Sure.
Then, yes, Lucy can borrow my sweater.
Excellent.
Dinner tonight's on me.
The condemned man gets a hearty last meal?
- Come on, let's go. - No way.
- Hope you're happy. - I am.
At this moment, my father's having a little chat with Professor Valentine.
And when my father talks, people listen.
Especially the little people.
So, unlike some of you,
I don't think I'll be retaking the mid-term.
Come on, Matt, let's go.
You know, if there is one thing
I've learned from the old man,
it's deny, deny, deny.
Or is it lie, lie, lie?
Heh. I don't know. I forget. I get them confused.
Ahem. Hey, Camden,
why don't you have the old man call God?
Maybe the big guy could pull some strings for you.
Oh! He's not worth it.
You know, my dad taught me something too.
If you have a problem, go to the source.
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello? TYLER: Lucy?
Tyler?
- What's up? - I could use your help with something.
Anything.
Well, I almost hate to ask.
Ask.
Well, quarter grades are out next week.
Uh-huh.
Well, and you can't get into Harvard with C's in biology.
Yeah...
So I need access to the school's main computers to change my grades,
which, because of your new job in the attendance office,
you can help me out with.
I can't do that.
Well, you don't really have to do anything besides, you know,
find out the password and give it to me. I'll do the rest.
Look, my mom, she's calling me, okay?
We can talk about the details tomorrow at your sister's awards assembly.
But I-- I--
Hello?
Aargh!
- Dad's not home yet? - No.
Cookie?
Mom, I'm not 5 anymore.
If you wanna talk to me, just say you wanna talk.
You don't have to try to trick me into it by offering cookies.
Okay, I wanna talk.
Lee said the marijuana was his dad's,
and that he uses it when he works with the police.
Do you believe him?
I don't know.
You know, if someone wants to hide something badly enough,
they can usually get away with it for a little while.
But sooner or later, the truth comes out,
and then you have to decide whether you're going to face the truth or deny it.
Now, for a lot of people, it's easier to deny
that their friend or brother or sister or son or daughter
is doing something wrong
than it is to face the truth and take action.
Life sure was a lot easier when I was younger.
You want a cookie?
What's going on? Is everything okay?
I'm Eric Camden, Simon's father.
This is Sergeant Michaels of the Glenoak Police Department.
We need to talk to you
about something that happened at my house tonight.
Lee had a baggie full of marijuana in his backpack.
Lee.
What's going on out here?
This man says he found drugs.
On Lee.
Well, he didn't get them from me. Did you tell them they were my drugs?
Is that what this is about? You people should know he's a little liar, my son.
Isn't that right, Lee?
You like to make up stories about everything?
I didn't say I got it from you.
Dad, I swear. I told them I found it.
It's not my dad's marijuana.
You have to believe me.
Look, I'm the minister at Glenoak Community Church.
If there's a problem, I--
That's nice, but you should mind your own business.
When your son brought drugs into my house, it became my business.
You going to arrest Lee?
No, but I am gonna file a report.
Well, you file anything you want.
You just leave me, my son and my mother alone.
What do you think?
Yeah, me too.
Hey, it's a miracle, your lip's healed.
A very cute guy asked me to the Fall Fling dance.
So?
He also asked me to help him break into the school's main computer
so he could change his grades.
What?
You're not stupid, and you know the difference between right and wrong.
And you know that anyone who would ask you to do something like that
is not somebody that you need to be dating.
- You're right. - Duh.
I just needed some support.
It's not every day you tell Tyler Smith to get lost.
Tyler Smith is dating Courtney Webber.
They're practically married.
Tyler said they broke up.
Oh, my gosh, colour me surprised.
A guy who asked you to break into the school computers lied.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Sure, just a sec.
It's Corey.
- What? - Oh, I shouldn't.
- Shouldn't what? - Well, I overheard Mary telling Lucy
how much she wanted to wear Grandma's sparkle earrings
to the assembly today.
Really?
It would mean the world to her.
Oh, just the Camden I was looking for.
I thought maybe you'd like to wear
Grandma's earrings to the assembly today.
- What's wrong? - Corey just called.
They are taking away her half of the award
because they found out she has a baby.
They think that to give her an award endorses teen pregnancy.
I'm not going. I don't want their stupid award.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Lee.
What's wrong?
I ran away.
I lied last night.
The marijuana belongs to my dad.
I know.
After my grandmother left for work last night,
my dad started yelling at me.
He's mad about me bringing the police and you over to the house.
But he's really upset about me losing his drugs.
My grandmother is still at work.
I didn't know where else to go.
You came to the right place.
You're still my friend?
But I lied to you.
You only have to do two things to be my friend.
Don't lie anymore
and stay away from drugs.
I can do that.
Why don't you take Lee upstairs and finish getting ready?
You can come with us to the assembly.
And tell your mother Mrs. Pool said she'd be happy to watch the twins.
LEE: Reverend Camden? - Yeah?
Thanks.
Yeah.
WOMAN: Glenoak Police Department.
Sergeant Michaels, please.
Sergeant Michaels here.
ERIC: Lee Patterson ran away, he's over here.
Well, at least now we know he's safe.
No, we know that the drugs belong to his father, we're positive he's still using.
Why can't we go in there and arrest him?
It's not that easy.
If we arrest him for possession, Lee would have to testify against his father.
What about the grandmother?
Oh, I think she's in deep denial about her son.
If I get Social Services involved, they'll get Lee out of the house,
but they'll also put him in foster care.
I wanna do what's in Lee's best interest,
but I don't think that's foster care.
Agreed.
I tell you, what Lee's father needs
is a shove in the right direction
and a little motivation to straighten up his life.
So are you the shove or the motivation?
The motivation.
Well, I guess that makes me the shove.
Yeah.
What's going on?
I was just gonna ask you that. I got a message to meet you here.
Dad.
What's going on?
Sit down, James.
Roy Potter. You must be Matt Camden.
Yeah.
I spoke to Matt last night. He told me a very interesting story.
He's lying.
I don't think so.
Dad, come on.
I'm sorry.
Well, that's okay. I'm sure Matt was pretty convincing.
No.
I'm sorry for every one of your problems that I solved.
Every university I bought you into.
I'm sorry for giving you too much too soon.
I'm sorry for giving you everything, but really giving you nothing.
What are you talking about?
I'm going to call Professor Valentine, but not for you.
I'm going to let your professor know
that he should reconsider punishing Matt,
whose only mistake was trying to help you out.
I can't believe this.
Before it's too late, you need to figure out
how to get through life on your own two feet.
I know it won't be today,
but someday, you're going to thank me for doing this.
I'm sorry for any problems my son might have caused you.
[MATT CLEARS THROAT]
I found a way to pay for my walkie-talkies.
- Really? - Yeah.
And I didn't have to do any work.
Hm.
- Hey. - Hello.
So, what's a good day we could do that computer thing we talked about?
Um, how about never?
What?
I thought I knew better.
But you said you were gonna help me out.
I knew you were still dating Courtney, but I was willing to deny the truth.
Unfortunately, when you asked me to break into the school computers,
I kind of woke up and realised you were using me.
Well, I still think you're pretty.
Oh, that's so sweet.
You know, I think you're pretty.
Pretty sleazy. Bye-bye now.
You're not wearing Grandma's sparkle earrings.
They didn't really go with my outfit.
Oh, um, I don't need to borrow your pink sweater,
since I no longer have a date to the dance.
Sorry. No sweater, no lawn mowing.
This is not good.
No lawn mowing, no loan.
Which means no walkie-talkies.
ANNIE: We probably should go in and take our seats,
- because Mary should get backstage. LUCY: Okay.
Don't you think it would have been easier just to take out the trash?
I don't like it when you're right.
Did we miss it?
No, you're just in time.
What happened with James Potter?
Come on, let's go try and find a seat.
Do you have 29 dollars and 99 cents I could borrow?
- So? - Professor Valentine called me,
that's why we're late. I don't have to retake the mid-term.
James told him I wasn't cheating.
I guess when James realised his dad wasn't gonna bail him out,
his best bet was to tell the truth
and throw himself on the mercy of the court.
Or the professor, in this particular case.
- I'm glad things worked out. - Yeah.
Thanks for calling James' father.
When I called him last night, he told me you had called too.
You called James' father?
Yeah.
- A chip off the old block. - Ha, ha.
So you must be feeling better.
What makes you say that?
Well, because you're back meddling in other people's lives.
[CHATTERING]
Could everyone please take their seats? We'd like to begin.
Today at the Kennedy High School All Sports Award Assembly
we're honouring the achievements of one of our standout seniors.
A student who has always excelled in both sports and school,
a student I will definitely be sorry to say goodbye to.
Now, I know you all know who I'm talking about,
so without further ado, I'd like to announce
this year's All Sports Award recipient, Mary Camden.
I'd really like to thank the local businessmen's association
for this honour.
But I can't.
"Excellence in sports and in life
to individuals we hope future generations see as role models."
I've never thought of myself as a role model.
I go to school and make good grades.
I go to basketball games and score points.
But a role model?
I don't think so.
But there was a real role model
who was supposed to receive this award with me today.
But at the last minute, the committee changed their minds.
You all know who I'm talking about, because for the last 24 hours,
most of you have done nothing but talk about her.
She's my friend, my teammate.
She's Corey Conway,
and when she was 14, she had a baby.
Corey Conway is a person, not an issue,
and the only statement made by celebrating her achievements
is to honour someone who didn't take the easy road in life
and did what few others could have done:
finish high school, with honours, while raising a baby.
I wanna let you know how I feel
before I bring Corey out on stage and give her my award,
because even though she's not a role model
for the local businessmen's association
or for some of the students at this school,
she is for me.
For excellence in sports and in life.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
[DOOR OPENS]
[JEFF SIGHS]
Okay, what's going on?
Your mother and son asked me to help them.
Mom?
This is an intervention, Jeff. You know what that is?
I'm out of here.
You can either listen to your family or you can go to jail,
the choice is yours.
I'm not going to jail.
Marijuana possession is a direct violation of your parole,
that means serious jail time.
Don't look at him, he's not gonna lie for you anymore.
All right, you win.
I'll listen.
Look, I don't know what Lee told you, but I don't smoke pot.
I used to, but I quit.
Ask anyone.
Dad.
Stop lying.
Please just stop lying and making promises you never keep.
I'm sick of all the lies.
You smoke marijuana.
You know you do, Grandma knows you do,
I know you do,
and you know the marijuana Reverend Camden found in my backpack
came from you.
I took it from you
because I'm afraid if I left it at home, you'd smoke it
and do something stupid.
I should have kicked you out.
I should have told you
that if you did drugs you couldn't live with me.
But I thought turning my back on my son
made me a bad mother.
I was wrong.
It made me a bad grandmother.
Look, if you won't straighten up for me,
do it for Lee. He's your son.
You need to act like his father.
And if you don't make me a promise right here and right now
that you will take the steps to clean up your life,
then I'll get custody of Lee
and you'll never see us again.
And I don't wanna do that.
I just can't sit by and watch my grandson turn to drugs
the way my son did.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step.
I think it's the hardest step too.
MARIE: I'll be there for you.
Every step of the way.
And as long as you're clean and sober,
you can live with me.
But you've got to get a job.
You've got to start contributing to the household.
I just--
I don't know if I can do it.
Dad, please.
I already lost a mom, I don't wanna lose you too.
I love you.
What do you say?
I guess...
...I say I have a problem.
I need help.
And I don't wanna lose my son.
[MARIE SNIFFLES]
I guess this means that you're back to work.
I guess it does.
So how does it feel?
It feels good.
Very good.